Glimpse - Your Stories from Abroad

Mention “Transantiago” to any Santiago resident and you likely will elicit looks of frustration and discontent. The city’s recently revamped bus system was implemented in early 2007, with the goal of offering a more efficient, more reliable, and more environmentally friendly form of public transit in this perpetually smog-shrouded city.

But bus riders complain that, among other issues, buses don't arrive at regular intervals and that their trips have been made complicated. People are abandoning micros for Santiago's reliable, yet now overcrowded, metro system. Still, there are times when the metro just can’t take you where you need to go, in which case you’ll have to brace yourself for a ride on the micro.

If you care about actually making it to your destination, follow this handy guide:

Step 1: Determine Your Route

First, you’ll need to figure out which bus number you're taking, what color your bus will be, whether or not you need to transfer, and where your bus actually goes. There is a map available on the Transantiago website. Leave yourself plenty of time to decipher this map, and try not to panic.

Step 2: Look Out For Your Bus

When you find your bus stop, keep your eyes on oncoming traffic. If you don't, a bus will go flying past in the blink of an eye. Said bus is likely the bus you wanted to board.

Step 3: Flag It Down

As your bus approaches, raise your hand out into the street, as if hailing a cab. Don't do this too early, as this will result in hailing a cab.

With a little bit of luck, the bus driver will actually acknowledge your presence and stop the bus. But if there are people literally clinging to the doors while hanging out of the bus, chances are you're not getting on board.

Step 4: Don’t Be Afraid To Ask Questions

Once you manage to board a stopped bus, you may want to confirm that it’s going where you think it is. My desire to not stick out as an oblivious foreigner often kept me from asking questions, but that once landed me in a rather dodgy neighborhood at 3 a.m.

Step 5: Pay Your Fare

When you’re certain that the bus will take you where you want to go, pass your Tarjeta BIP! over the fare box. Don’t forget to smile and say hello to your driver. Marco Gallardo, one of my drivers, says that passengers greet him much less frequently these days, and in general, have become much less respectful when taking the bus.

Step 6: Hold On

The instant the last person sets foot on the bus, the driver will accelerate as if he's just been invited to drag race all traffic on the road. If you aren't lucky enough to get a seat, hold on. Use your best white-knuckle grip. Micro drivers aren't afraid to take curves at high speeds.

Step 7: Have Some Change Ready

Vendors are allowed on board for free, provided they don’t stay too long. If you’d like to do some shopping during your ride, you can buy a wide range of items, from ice cream to potted plants.

You may also want to keep some change on hand to tip on-board musicians. Dance at your own risk.

Step 8: Signal Your Stop

To actually get off the bus, press one of the many buttons throughout the bus, which makes an incredibly obnoxious beeping noise. Press it only once. If you hold down the button, the beeping will continue. This is an easy way to piss off up to 134 other people.

Step 9: Disembark Safely

After you get off the bus, only walk in front of it if you wish to quickly end your life.