Glimpse - Your Stories from Abroad

“WWWHHOOOOOSSSsssshhh”

That’s the sound of a car streaking by you on a forlorn Ukrainian highway, blowing a cloud of dust into your forlorn face and making your extended thumb wilt in defeat.

Don’t let this be you.

Hitchhiking (known as avtostop) in Ukraine is a whole different beast than its counterpart in the United States. For one, it’s very common, in part because high poverty rates prevent many people from owning vehicles, and in part because Ukrainian Slavs are generally friendlier than their more dour Russian counterparts. It’s even normal for single women to hitch rides.

So if you plan on using this cheap, legal, and popular mode of transportation, read and remember these rules. In no time at all, you’ll be bouncing down the highway, guzzling a quart of fresh milk you just purchased from a roadside babushka, and listening to your driver tell you about the days when he used to siphon gas from transnational pipelines.

Rule 1: Set aside plenty of time

Avtostop takes time. Start in the morning and don’t be too ambitious when planning out the route to the next stopping place: You never know when you’ll hit a dry spell and have to stand on the road basking in the scent of manure for two or three hours. The possibility of catching a ride decreases drastically after dark, and you need to budget time for whatever adventures may arise.

Rule 2: Go solo

Avtostop should generally be a solitary pursuit. Ukraine’s crime rate is low, but nevertheless drivers try to avoid trouble, and are highly unlikely to pick up a group, or even a pair, of avtostoppers. Members of the fairer sex, however, are exempt from this rule. After all, what chivalrous Ukrainian man wouldn’t want to give a ride to several beautiful young ladies?

Rule 3: Don’t look like a spoiled American

Appearances matter, and you must play the part of broke hitchhiker. Don’t be mowing on a juicy sandwich and listening to your iPod as you try to hitch a ride. A good way to get across the message, “Dnepropetrovsk or bust!” is to walk backwards with your thumb out, doubled over and making sad puppy eyes at each approaching car.

Rule 4: Stand near curves, gas stations, or police posts

Look for places where traffic has to slow down: after a wide curve in the road, before or after a gas station, or after a traffic-police (GAI) post, where every driver slows to granny speed. After the GAI, any oncoming driver who has successfully avoided being fined by the cops for an arbitrarily enforced traffic violation is sure to be ebullient. And don’t rule out asking the many drivers stopped on the side of the road for a ride, especially long-distance truckers. They’ll often shrug their shoulders and acquiesce.

Rule 5: Use the thumb, and only the thumb

In the cities, people sometimes use a chastnik—the Ukranian equivalent of a “gypsy cab.” To flag down a chastnik, you hold out your hand, palm down, at waist level. But assuming you are hitchhiking on the highway and you don’t want to pay for your ride, avoid this gesture. Instead, use the international hitchhiking/avtostop signal: a big thumbs-up. This will minimize confusion about whether or not you intend to pay your driver.

Rule 6: Cut the small talk

Once a car has stopped for you, open the passenger-side door and explain where you’re going. Make sure you use the word avtostop. If the driver asks how much you’re willing to pay and you don’t want to fork out any money, refuse. He’ll probably just drive away. American-style banalities like, “Thanks so much for stopping for me!” are viewed as a waste of time. A big smile to show your gratitude is also a cultural no-no, since Slavs often consider smiling at strangers a sign of phoniness.

Rule 7: Stick to big city outskirts

Avtostop generally isn’t possible within city limits; this is chastnik territory and drivers rarely trouble themselves to stop for hitchhikers who won’t pay. If you are on your way out of a city, take a marshrutka mini-bus to the outskirts. Once there, travel from city to city and skip the country hamlets, which are devoid of traffic. And don’t be afraid to turn down a ride if the driver offers to drop you off in the boonies. You’re better off waiting a little longer for a ride that will get you to your destination.

Rule 8: Don’t shy away from an adventure

The reason you’re traveling avtostop is to experience Ukraine firsthand, which means you should be open to new experiences. Whether it be rappelling off an abandoned Soviet factory or thumbing through your Russian-English dictionary to avoid inadvertently biting into a chunk of sala (raw pig fat), you’re sure to encounter experiences that you could never find dumbly watching the pastoral landscape through a train window. And there’s an added bonus: Your driver will sometimes offer you, as a traveler and guest, a place to sleep. That means you won’t end up standing on the side of the road at nightfall as trucks roar by like jet-squadron flyovers.

Some Key Avtostop Phrases

Hello, I’m traveling by avtostop to _______.
Zdrastvuetye, ya yedu avtostopom v _______.

Is this on your way?
Eto vam po puti?

Cool car!
Krutaya tachka!

You were stealing gas straight from the pipeline!?
Viy vorovali gaz pryamo iz nefteprovoda!?

Of course the smoked pig fat is tasty! It’s just that the smoked fish is better with beer!
Konyechno, sala vkusna! Prosto kopchonnaya ryba luchshe k pivu!

No thanks, I try not to fire weapons if I’ve been drinking.
Nyet spasibo, ya starayus’ ne strelyat’ iz oruzhiya esli ya nemnozhko viypil.