When purpose found me

"Not a day passes that I don't think about what I'm doing here; that I don't wonder whether at 25 I should have my life figured out..."

I began writing this post last night, but found myself start to piss and moan about the unknown. As I revisit my work this morning, I've come to realize that yes, I don't really know what the hell I’m doing here, what it will lead to or what my purpose is. And I’m actually pretty stoked about that.

I used to have a seriously debilitating problem. Up until just a year or so ago, I was on a mission to find my purpose. Quandary was, the quest unfolded in an imaginary place… my head.

For the longest time I struggled about not knowing exactly what it was I wanted to achieve in life and was certain that any move I made wasn’t good enough. So I didn’t move; was just floating around in my self-created cloud of doom and demise. I don’t intend to be so dramatic here, but I literally became so numb from this “lost” feeling that I’d just implode into a dense ball of negativity. No one could help me and I had no idea how to help myself.

I guess time does heal. As does patience and a willingness to let go of control. Eventually I learned to accept the fact that maybe I don’t have all the answers now; maybe I’m on this path, living my purpose now. The greatest awareness came when I realized that I was miserable doing what I was doing… and then realized that there was no reason it had to continue! In that moment, purpose found me and I recognized that there would be many more moments when purpose would find me again.

During my short stay in Germany over the weekend, I met a few women at their quarter-life mark and we shared a few beers along with gripes about friends, life, school and work. A few of them were really happy with their jobs; they had good days and bad days but over-all, job satisfaction was border-line excellent. But one woman's line of work was border-line depressing, draining and not-at-all motivating. She stood out most to me. She was the one with whom I could most relate. For the moment, I’m pretty content working abroad, though not convinced I’m with the right company or in a field I want to remain in for the entirety of my professional life. When my perspective is off, this causes discomfort.

Just a few years older and a Master’s Degree in her name, this woman did not enjoy her job, but feared it was too late to make a change. With an interest in Marketing and a practical background in Finance, it had been proving difficult to make a switch; only four months into the job, she also felt it was too soon to move on. Maybe it is. Maybe it’s my Gen Y ideals that say it’s not, that say it’s never too soon or too late to do something that will make you happy; even if it does label you as a “job hopper.” Worst that happens is you find more satisfying work for less pay before your previous employer tanks you as the economy tanks because you’ve got no seniority. The alternative is you stay. You miserably stay for a paycheck and veil of security. In twenty years, your life flies by. The enterprise is cutting costs and you’re now just an unnecessary, over-budget number, back to the position where you find yourself now.

Decisions are tough. Weighing opportunity costs can drive you nuts. But sometimes you’ve just got to go with an instinct, despite its lack of popularity with statistics, potential employers, family and friends. Because in the end, you are responsible for your own happiness. You’re the one creating your purpose.  

Comments

Posted on 7/12/2009 by

Laurie Cloward-Cater

Dead on Amy! Remember, you NEVER will have all the answers, so don't think it's ever perfect. Do what feels right at the time and tell anyone that doesn't like it to go to....

Posted on 7/13/2009 by

Beth Mitchell

Based on what I've been reading, your "perspective" is damm good and I sooo jealous!!!

Posted on 7/14/2009 by

Phil Mitchell

If I had any advice for you, or any young adult looking for happiness and satisfaction in a career. Get an education in the field you 'think' you want. Find someone or an organization the does it well. Work for them and get your 'real' education. Then...go out and do it on your own... Work for your self, and find ways to do it differently and better. Don't resolve yourself into working for someone else for the rest of your life. IF...you can afford the time it takes.... If you are in a field where you will be working for someone else most of your life... Be smarter, work harder, and keep yourself valuable to the company. If that does not seem to be working...kiss a lot of ass... J/K!!!

Posted on 7/19/2009 by

Mary Smith

Amy... finally got to read this... Follow your heart sweet-p .... and know you are loved ... ( .. and i haven't rented out your bedroom!..)Smooches!!!

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