The Water Bottle Incident (Halong Bay, Vietnam)

After finally sorting out my visa problems, I decided I needed some relaxation.  I wanted to get out of Hanoi for a few days and go to nearby Halong Bay, a UNESCO World Heritage Site and an icon of Vietnam’s beautiful scenery.  I had wanted to visit Halong Bay ever since watching the movie Indochine, where the characters sail through the turquoise waters past majestic limestone cliffs.  It was decided – I would go on a two-day tour.  

There were numerous travel agencies offering two-day tours which included spending a night in the bay on an old Chinese junk.  My Lonely Planet guidebook mentioned about five ‘reputable’ agencies, so the remaining 300 ‘disreputable’ agencies simply copied their competitions’ billboards and logos and tried to convince tourists that they were legitimate.  The challenge for travelers was finding the real Sinh Tours from amongst the 100 fake Sinh Tours on the same block.

Was I duped? I don’t know.  Probably.  In any case, my tour was a fiasco.

It all started with my water bottle.  Other travelers had warned me about a secret scheme the tour operators were running – selling cheap tickets onto the boat and then charging monopolistic prices for water and food once you were trapped aboard the boat.  I loaded up on water and victuals before I left, thinking I was smart as I stowed them secretly in my bag.  
 

Everything started off fine.  Besides the typical Vietnamese practice of breaking up a 2.5 hour bus ride with a 30 minute “rest break” at their friend’s souvenir shop, we arrived at Halong Bay without incident.
 

The scenery was beautiful, and for the entire first day our boat silently floated through the placid, sheltered waters of Halong Bay.  There were about a dozen other tourists on the boat, each of us sharing a two-person cabin below deck.  We hiked, we swam, we kayaked, and we sat on the top deck and watched the thousands of jungle-clad limestone islands float past.  We saw entire fishing villages floating on the water, simply a collection of houseboats lashed together and anchored in the middle of the bay.  
 

Then we had lunch, one of the most delicious feasts I have had in Vietnam.  After I finished eating I stood up and walked outside, just for a minute – no longer than that.  When I returned, I was shocked to find my secretly stashed water bottle missing!  It had been stowed in plain view in a mesh-pocket of my backpack, so what could have happened to it?
 

Had I misplaced it?  I searched left, right, high, low - nothing.
 

Had someone picked it up by accident?  The other tourists said they had not taken it, and I could see it was not on their person.  
 

Then I turned around and looked at the crew.  The Capitan started back at me, narrowed his eyes, shifted nervously and said “No!  I no see your water bottle…”  Suspicious?  Maybe.  I had, after all, been warned about these shady operators and their water bottle monopoly.  But would they really hatch such a devilish plan, stealing an innocent man’s water bottle and forcing him to buy another at inflated prices?  
 

But what to do?  Organize a thirst strike in protest? No, that would be silly.  I sat outside, fuming, thinking and plotting, when suddenly from the dark I heard a sharp Pssssstttt!
 

I turned and searched for the source of the sound – a small, round wooden boat no bigger than an inflatable swimming pool, paddled by a little Vietnamese lady and laden to the gills with candy bars, Tiger Beer, Dalat Wine, rice whiskey…and water!  Precious water!  

Alas!  A way to break the monopolistic grip of the crew!  The rowboat lady drew her finger to her lips, motioning me to be quiet while she moved her boat out of sight of the crew, who sat ten meters away smoking cigarettes and laughing amongst themselves.  
 

I turned back to the smuggler and asked her the price of water.  10,000 Dong - half price.  
 

Deal.  I slapped her the cash and she surreptitiously passed me the contraband water.  I smiled, stood up, and turned around…only to stand face to face with The Capitan himself.  
 

“Wha’ you doing?” he asked.  I stammered out an excuse.  He grabbed my water.  “Where you get this?” he pried.    He pushed me aside, saw the old lady paddling away into the darkness and screamed orders to his crew in Vietnamese.  
 

Vietnamese sailors came jumping out of windows, climbing up stairs and swinging down from the masts.  I was surrounded on all sides by these buccaneers, swords drawn and pressed right against the bare flesh of my neck.  By this time the other foreigners had emerged from below deck and gathered behind me.  The crew captured the Vietnamese lady and held her hostage with her hands bound and her mouth gagged.  The Capitan stepped forward and spoke.  
 

“Ok you falang, listen to me!  This is my ship, and you must buy yo’ drinks onry from me!  Understan’?”  He stared at me straight in the eyes.  What to do?  Accept this tyranny, or stand up for my rights?  
 

“No, Capitan, I can’t accept those terms.”  The crew gasped at my reply.  “This is a free ship, and we want our rights!”  The other tourists cheered from behind me in support.  Emboldened, I continued my speech.  

“Freedom of choice is a basic human right – we want freedom, freedom to buy our water from whomever we want!”  More cheers from the crowd.  “We want a free market, not your fascist water-bottle-monopoly!”  
The Capitan sneered at me.  There was no going back now.  “Why you American capitalist pig-dog!  Get off my ship!”  He started towards me, but I picked up a chopstick and held it out in defense.  

“No!  Don’t come any closer!  We refuse to go.  You can have that side of the ship, but we will fight to protect freedom on this side of the ship – freedom to buy water from the little Vietnamese lady in the boat!”  
 

I had gone too far, but I continued.  I should have abandoned the Halong Bay Resolution and avoided the whole conflict.  We have gone down this road before – nothing good comes from battles such as these.  But alas, I stood my ground and the battle commenced.  
 

It was a bloody fight.  We dueled each other with chopsticks, we dropped pots of hot tea on them from the top deck, but they answered with an attack of chili sauce and a volley of tofu bullets.  They even booby-trapped the stairs with slippery noodles!  A few men fell into the dark waters below – good men, dammit.
 

As the sun rose from the east, only me and the rowboat lady were left, encircled high up on the top deck and cut off from escape. Then they started the Duck Embryo Offensive.  It was horrible.  They threw egg after egg of boiled duck embryos at us, the most disgusting type of food in all of Vietnam!  Oh, the humanity!  They may be a favorite snack of the Vietnamese, but to an American kid like me…the images still haunt my dreams to this day!  
 

It was too much.  I had to surrender.  I radioed the US embassy for a chopper, and minutes later I was hanging from the side of a Huey, flying high above Halong Bay to safety.  

The Capitan and his crew had stormed the top deck and were jeering at us from below.  To think, that my entire month as an American goodwill ambassador had gone to waste after this fiasco!  All the handshakes, the smiles, the friendships…all my efforts in vain now that I was persona non grata in Vietnam.  Future tourists take heed: avoid trivial conflicts with the Vietnamese.  It’s just not worth it.  
 

The pilot turned to me from the cockpit, and yelled at me over the roar of the twirling blades above.  “Where to?”
 

China.  My tour of Vietnam is finished.  Take me to the border with China.  It’s time to put Vietnam in the past, time to set my sights on Hong Kong, on Beijing and the Trans-Siberian Railroad beyond.  Onwards, to Hong Kong!!!

 

Comments

Posted on 8/01/2009 by

Ha Noi Viet Nam

This sounds like a fictional story. I went to Halong Bay 3 times and never had any troubles (matter of fact each tourist was given one water bottle for free, well technically already included on the tour fee)

Posted on 8/01/2009 by

Mark Ayling

very perceptive...

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